Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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