i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
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