she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
