that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
