I just threw up on my dentist
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Randomize
