I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
please come you make the beer taste better
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
