WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
