yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
