Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
