He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I could fuck to npr.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
