haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
