just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
