I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
