How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
