The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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