Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
