I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
