have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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