When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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