This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
no you cant smoke seaweed
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
