I look better un-naked...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
