this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
