I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
