Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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