i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
