someone threw a dead crab at me
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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