Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
