You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
