last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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