My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
