You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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