Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
