I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
