can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
