I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
