u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
