i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
this boner is exhausting
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
