We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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