does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
