Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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