I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
