so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
