You really coming over, don't trick.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
