Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
