i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
