Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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