So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i've created a new STD.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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