it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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