So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
