LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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