i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
