if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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